The lines represent conversations between the people who play out these roles.

A day-to-day experience of the drama triangle

In case this looks like becoming too theoretical, let's anchor this is reality.

I go to visit my aunt and uncle. I love them both. They were especially good to my brother and I when we were kids, so there's always an element of duty in my visits. Especially as these days their constant bickering saddens, frustrates and annoys me.

Here's a typical bit of dialogue that occurs between us:

Aunt to Uncle: "Turn the television off when we've got visitors, it's rude to leave it on." [Persecutor]

Uncle to Aunt, raising voice: "Stop telling me what to do! You can't tell me what to do!" [Persecutor]

Uncle to Robert: "See what she's like? She never lets me watch in peace." [Victim]

Aunt to Uncle: "Oh, you poor thing [words are Rescuer]. You spend all your life stuck in front of that thing!" [Persecutor]

Aunt to Robert: "He takes no notice of what I want these days ..." [Victim]

Aunt to Uncle: "Turn it off!" [Persecutor]

Robert to both: "I don't know - you two!! Are you two EVER going to stop fighting like cat and dog?" [Rescuer]

Both to Robert: "Don't you talk to my husband / my wife like that!!!" [Persecutors]

The Drama Triangle: how the roles play out

In the Karpman triangle these roles - all three of them - perpetuate the conflict.

In the short dialogue above Aunt and Uncle adopt mainly Victim and Persecutor roles, alternately persecuting and feeling victimized. In a classic at the end, I - as rescuer - get dumped on by both of them!

Important points to not about the drama triangle

1. The roles shift round from person to person.
2. Keeping the drama going becomes more important to the players than other considerations.
3. The roles can be seen in two people in conflict.
4. Sub-groups can form in teams that act as if they were one person, sharing the role and switching role together.
5. The "rescuer" doesn't rescue in any positive sense of the word.
6. Rescuers frequently are ganged up on.
7. Each role has a personality of its own that switches. Each role has:
1. Tone of voice
2. Gestures
3. Expressions, and
4. Experiences moods and emotions that fit the roles
8. This is best understood as a self-serving game: people adopt these roles (and switch them) in oder to maintain conflict.

When I first came across this model, I could see how persecutor and victim would be in conflict, I found it more difficult to see the 'Rescuer' role as part of the game.

Breaking a drama triangle: the team leader's role

In order to break the conflict that's being acted out in a Drama Triangle, you need to stand apart from the game.

If you find yourself wanting to plead; or hear yourself whining; want to bash their heads together; feel sorry for one or more of the team - you may have been drawn into the game. You are no longer acting in a team leadership role.

First exercise for team leaders

Watch any TV drama or soap you care to mention. It's OK - you're allowed! This is research!" Watch for when the conflict starts. Identify the the three different roles.

I want you to do this with dram you enjoy, that you get wrapped up and involved in. Where you find yourself saying: "If I were her (or him) I'd leave ..." Or: "How dare he talk to her like that?"

In other words, drama that hooks you.

Don't do anything with these ideas until you can see and hear the switch between all three roles in any one character.

When you can do that, you can be reasonably sure you've "got it".

Become familiar with the tones of voice, verbal and facial expressions, body postures - and so on - that go with each role.

Make notes. Tempted not to? Make notes!

As you make your notes of the roles, the first thing I want you to notice is this: you start to detach yourself from the drama, you're less drawn in. You're less drawn in because you are becoming more aware of the basis of the drama triangles, their life cycles, how they come and go.

Yes? Grrr-reat! Why "Grrr-reat"? Because if this was a drama that would normally grip you - you're beginning to get a feel for standing back, being more analytical. You're developing an awareness for the roles. And - rather than commit your energy to the drama, your committing energy to your role as an analyzer of drama.

And that's what your team leadership role demands.

Next exercise in the drama triangle for team leaders

You're going to raise your awareness of the drama triangle played out in your team as a "game".

In order to do this, remember the last time your team was in conflict. Re-play frame by frame, slowly. Recall what you saw, what you heard - and how you felt.

Have you got it? How are you feeling? Anxious, frustrated? Good, you've immersed yourself in your usual feelings, you've got good recall.

Now:

1. Look back over your notes and familiarize yourself with those roles.
2. Organize a new page into three columns, headed Victim Persecutor Rescuer.
3. Write down the phrases you hear different members of your team use. Write exact words.
4. See the expressions and body language they use in your mind's eye.  Describe what you see.
5. Imagine what team members might be thinking or feeling (don't get too carried away here - this is more open to interpretation).

Stay with this, musing over it. Remember you're analyzing the situation. At this stage do not pressure yourself into wondering what you are going to do with these insights at this stage. Just notice how you begin to feel as you explore these ideas.

Do you see the drama triangle? Do you start to experience some separation from the process? Do you see things a little differently? Any insights? What are they?

In this kind of reflective process, writing things down increases the power of the learning.

As a team leader, what will I do differently as a result of "getting" the drama triangle?

That's a little more difficult to predict.

You could turn the exercise you've just done here into a hand out; talk about the destructive nature of the conflict and the impact it's having on the team itself, the department organization. You will - as ever - need to give the organizational imperatives an airing.

You could say: "I'm going to spend part of the meeting time at the end to address the level of conflict in this team. I'll be making a few notes, be more of an observer for part of this session."

You may just observe the session. Get your thoughts together. Make your notes and call a meeting specifically to look at the drama triangle.

At some point, this may be useful: "As you know, I've been keeping my ear to the ground for conflict in this team - how it starts and how it is perpetuated. Here are some things I've noticed ..."

You then read out the phrases that individuals in the team use consistently that are expressions of the three roles (victim persecutor rescuer).

Say: "Mary, I've noticed that you often say things like ________. I'd really like to know how you're feeling when you say that."

Do the same for each member of the team in turn.

Exploring the drama triangle can be a fun, high energy process

Try this. It can be done with very little preamble. But you should always provide the context: Helping team members become aware of the conflict so that they can take responsibility for overcoming it.

"We know we have an issue with conflict here. I'm going to play a brief game about that - then we'll talk!"

1. Divide the team into three groups. Break up friendship groups or alliances.
2. Easy way of doing this: number each individual 1, 2 or 3; then 1, 2, 3 round the room. All the 1s work together, all the 2s and the 3s
3. Appoint a spokesperson to each group
4. Sit each group down in a huddle in a triangular shape, with spokes people sitting closest to each other.
5. Only the three spokes people are allowed to talk to each other.
6. The rest of their sub-group's role is to feed them with smart ideas and things to say (when the game starts).
7. Assign these roles. One to each of the sub-groups:
1. You are a separated wife, concerned because you can't afford new shoes for your children.
2. You are that woman's new partner.
3. You are that woman's ex-husband.
4. All three parties feel aggrieved, want to express grievances
8. Scene: ex-husbands door step.
9. Knock-knock

As team leader, watch for the patterns you see in the team in conflict.

This is usually hilarious AND instructive.

My favorite end-game: Everybody is participating and the laughter level is rising...

She says to ex-: "What kind of a father do you call yourself, treating your kids like that??!!"

Her new partner says to ex-: "Yes, what sort of a man are you if you ..."

She says to new partner: "What! Don't you dare speak to their father like that!!"

At which point the futility of the game is there for all to see - and people are usually falling from their chairs with laughter!

Take a break. Draw out the lessons.

Health warning: Don't try this at ... home?, no ... work unless you're feeling confident yourself.

I'm confident that raising your awareness will impact on how you manage your team. If you're not sure, take it in easy stages. Make sure that you've got a command of the ideas and you've made them your own before you use them.

At other times, simply knowing you're going to take notes and address this will create space for change.

In all cases be open and straightforward. Explain - adult-to-adult exactly what you are doing and why. Or you risk being seen as Machiavellian, manipulative.

Good luck!!

Like to be coached on this or other leadership issues? Interested in having us run a training session for your organization? You know where we are .... a  phone call away.

In addition to this article on the Drama Triangle, there will soon be others applying Transactional Analysis to team leadership issues.

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